After reading through the list of demands, I felt compelled to respond. Not that it’d be read (no one reads this blog), but simply for the sheer intellectual satisfaction I would derive from pointing out the logical and logistical flaws and contradictions set forth by this so-called group of college and university students. For the record kids: demand a refund, since you clearly haven’t learned much from your professors.
The first demand is for $20/hr minimum wage and the end of Free Trade. Ideally, yes it would be fantastic if minimum wage was raised to $20/hr, but I can guarantee you that as soon as your McSalary is raised, your McBurger will now cost you $15. I mean, it’s possible, but well the natural order of cause and effect would follow suit. I’d go into more detail on how the cost of a 2 bedroom condo would then skyrocket to a cool million and more, but I think we see where this is going. Now you want to end Free Trade you say? So you can kiss Target, Fred Meyer and Walmart and every other store that carries anything “Made in China” goodbye and your cost of living will probably rise tenfold. The vast majority of Americans can’t afford “Made in America” goods and well, this goes back to your cost of living rising exponentially. I mean theoretically, it’d be great to get paid more and support local, but find me ONE local shop that doesn’t carry something made outside the great United States of America.
Ahh… universal healthcare. What a happy idealistic land it is! Have you spoken to a Canadian who’s been waiting a year for a minor knee surgery because the government lacks the funding to open more OR’s or hire more surgeons? Or have you met the terminally ill children who enjoy the privately funded facilities, which you are so against? Did you know that it takes up to two months to get results on a biopsy? Did you know that in some situation, two months is too late? But it’s free, right? Well, reality is, you get what you pay. Obviously, it has its perks, but as soon as free healthcare is installed, you’ll be kicking and screaming for the good old days as soon as you hit thirty and the damage of your carefree college days start taking their toll.
And you want a guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment. Who doesn’t? It’s called a handout. You know you put your hand out, someone puts money on it. It happens on street corners and occassionally a cardboard sign accompanies it. Oh what, that makes you uncomfortable? But calling it a “guaranteed living wage” doesn’t? Hmm. Interesting. OK. So you want to get paid despite being a slacker. And sorry to bring this up so far down the list, but where may I ask is all this money coming from? Aren’t we trying to promote a local, sustainable way of life? Like I thought we were gonna talk about growing our own vegetables, trading them for beans with each other? No? I’m totally off-topic aren’t I? OK, so for a group that complains about money, you sure seem to want a lot of it!
Now you want free stuff, too? Like your college education. Why? You’re going and it’s taught you nothing. I say we need to reform the education system first if you’re what the system is pumping out into the workforce. Dear Lord. I think we should pay to STOP providing this so-called education you’re receiving. No I’m serious. We need to shut down these schools immediately since you will be totally useless to the workforce. Which explains why you want a living wage regardless of employment. You’re clearly illogical and therefore unemployable . I am starting to make sense of this…
Fossil fuels and natural energy. OK now you’re sounding a little more intelligent. Maybe there’s hope. Yes, there is a fantastic little company that produces these amazing hybrid cars – they’re called Toyota. Have you heard of them? Yes, of course you have because in Demand One, you wanted to get rid of them. And every other car in the entire country. There isn’t a single car in the world that is entirely manufactured and assembled in the USA. Oh wait, you suggested imposing gatronomical taxes and tariffs. Done. You can have this one, since that cute hybrid will end up costing you $120,000. OK, I’m starting to understand this now, all this money will come from the exorbitant taxes we’ll charge on everything. Gotcha – you know, this might just work!
So with all the money we’ll get charging the nation up the wahoo for all its imports, we’d have two trillion dollars for infratructure and ecological saving the environment projects and ending nuclear power plants. Well first of all, since no one would be able to afford cars, why do we need even need roads? Clearly you’re not hurrying to get to work. And you want to end nuclear power plants. Well, since the US doesn’t have enough power sources, you’ll have to buy energy from Canada (which some states already do.) Going to back to your first demand, this would be taxed and therefore, it’d probably cost you even more to heat your home with foreign energy. Win-win, right? Since those hefty tax dollars will go to pay for all your other demands and since you’re earning a swanky living wage, you’re a big spender now! What’s another zero on that bill?
Okay, then you get idealistic about gender and racial rights. You’re joking right? Yeah, well I want world peace. And a unicorn that pees glitter.
Open borders. Alright, I’ve picked myself off the floor from laughing so hard. Doesn’t this completely annihilate your first demand? Forget bringing the goods here, let’s just import China and Mexico and avoid those damn taxes altogether. And you want to leave your land of free health care, free education and $20/hr wages to work elsewhere? Oh that’s because with this open border policy, you’re now jobless? Well, yeah it’s cuz see, for $20/hr they do about 10 times more than you. Oh wait, are we back at square one?
Voting with paper. You’re in school, yes? And you were taught that manual counting is more accurate than computers? And you want to kill trees. Doesn’t this go against ALL your values, not to mention demands? Anyways, back to the matter at hand – this will solve things how?
Eliminating debt and credit. In principle, I can see where this is going: let’s give us all a fresh start. But really the ones who would benefit from this the most are the major corporations and banks who make HUGE loans with each other and other weird financial schemes, I can’t even wrap my brain around and judging from your education thus far, neither can you. Aren’t you anti-”The Man”? And you want to eliminate credit. Hmm, let’s see, raise the minimum wage, raise the cost of living, raise taxes of foreign goods, allow foreign workers and cut up my credit cards. So we’re all going to be poor (but not in debt!) and we can’t afford anything and the only ones who can are the migran workers who travel back to China and smuggle goods in. Which we’re going to end up buying secretly, thus creating a lucrative black market of Made in China goods.
OK, is demand thirteen even for real or just an afterthought? You want unions. Fine. You want more wages (again) and the cost of the goods/services you are producing, but you’re used to that now, right?
